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Don't say this to a twin mom.

meredithvh

Updated: Apr 12, 2021

I know you mean well, but saying these things to a twin mom will just drive them crazy. (and they don't need help, they already have twins.)


1). "Wow! You're gonna have your hands full!" Of course, lady. My hands will be full and filled with love. You're not helping by pointing it.


2). "I am gonna call them ______ & ______". Unless you are very close and know the parent well enough, these babies are not yours. You may not name them. (Someone wants to call my twins "Baby Meredith" (Which is my name) and "Baby Bryan" (which is my twin brothers name). Honestly, it's gross. It implies incest, and Bryan has nothing to do with these babies, my husband does!)


3). "Were they naturally conceived?" Do you really want to know how it happened? And does it matter? Natural, with medication, IVF, they are babies who are loved and wanted. That's the important thing. Don't be nosey.


4). "Are you sure there are only two in there?" Of course this refers to a mom who is pregnant with twins... but don't remark on her size. I hated this when I was pregnant with one child ("You sure its not twins?") and I wasn't even very big with my singleton pregnancies. But yes, they are sure there are not more than two in there. They have been to SO MANY doctors appointments already, you think they missed one?


5). "Are you sure they are not identical?" Yes. Stop doubting the mother of these children. She has been through so much getting to this point with the babies, but you think your EYES are better at identifying identical twins than her and her doctors? (And a side note, boy/girl twins can NEVER BE IDENTICAL. The entire body has to be identical, including private parts. As a girl twin with a twin brother, we hated this question. Of course we are not identical. Stop asking.)


Things to say instead:


1) "Wow! You look amazing"!: This lady is having two children grow inside her, taking all her energy away, and when they come out, she will still be exhausted. Encouraging her is what she needs.


2) "What a blessing!": There are so many things they are feeling, but this is one of them. And it helps when you remind them of this. It's a blessing, and they (and you) are thankful!


3) "Can I bring you a meal tomorrow night?": People are not good at asking for help. Offering a meal with a concrete day/time (aka: Tomorrow night. Monday around 5... etc...) makes it easy for them to accept. (Don't forget to ask about dietary things... mom's can't have sushi, lunch meat, unpasteurized things, some cheeses... and that's before any allergies).



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